August 30, 2010

Imogen:  Mummy, if you do very naughty things, I will have to put you in a time out and say, "You are never, ever allowed to have fun again."

Me:  Wow, that seems very harsh, Imogen.  Is that what you think I'm saying to you when you have a time out?

Imogen:  No, when you tell me to have a time out you say, "Imogen, you need to take a little break."

Me:  That's right, I do say that.  So where did no fun ever again come from?

Imogen:  That's because fun is only for kids.

Did someone show my kid the Trix commercial when I wasn't looking???

August 29, 2010

Imogen, whilst trying a piece of playground equipment that previously had been too intimidating for her:

Mummy, I'm being very brave.  I'm also fearless.  And fashionable.

August 28, 2010

Me: So tonight, you're having a sleepover party at Nanny's house.  Should we stop at the grocery store on the way and pick up a special dessert?

Imogen:  Oh yes!  That's a great idea, Mummy!

Me:  What would you like?  Maybe cake or chips?  Candy?  Cookies?

Imogen:  BACON!!!  That's the best dessert to me!

August 26, 2010

Me:  Could you please come back to the kitchen and finish your yogurt, Imogen?

Imogen:  I don't need yogurt, Mum.

Me:  Well, honey, you do.  It's good for your tummy and good for your bones.

Imogen:  Actually Mum, my nipples make Immy-milk now and I'm just gonna drink that to help me grow big and strong, okay?

August 24, 2010

Imogen:  Mummy, did you know that last night I did not have any nightmares?

Me:  Is that right?

Imogen:  No, it's wrong.  I had some nightmares.

Me:  Do you want to talk about them?

Imogen:  Are you crazy, Mummy?  Nightmares are not for talking about!

August 23, 2010

Imogen:  Mummy, do you know that when my pictures are in the art gallery in New York City everyone will say "hooray Imogen, you are amazing" and they will give me a blue ribbon?

Me:  That sounds wonderful, Imogen.

Imogen:  Yeah, and I'll say, "Thanks guys."

August 21, 2010

Imogen:  Mummy, I see a shooting star so you have to make a wish.

Me:  Okay.  I wish for someone really wonderful to love.

Imogen:  That's a very bad wish, Mummy.  You have to wish for the princesses at the ball or the sun exploding.

Me:  Oh really?  I can't wish for whatever I want?

Imogen:  I don't make the rules, Mum.  I just tell them.

Me:  Okay, I guess I wish for the princesses at the ball.

Imogen:  I wish for some gummi bears.

Me:  What about the rules?!

Imogen:  Rules are only for mothers.

August 20, 2010

Upon getting Nanny's voicemail when trying to call her at work: 

Imogen:  You crazy Nanny!  You can't keep sending me messages!  You have to talk to me!

August 19, 2010

Imogen:  Mum, at the library party, a boy chased me so I ran!

Me:  Oh yeah?

Imogen:  Yeah.  I ran so fast like a cheetah.

Me:  That's fast.

Imogen:  Yeah.  It's fast like a peacock.

August 18, 2010

Imogen:  What do you want to be when you grow up, Mummy?

Me:  An artist.  What do you want to be, Imogen?

Imogen:  A drag queen.

Me:  Oh yeah?  That's a fun thing.

Imogen:  Yes.  Or a soccer coach.

I think she should find a way to combine the two for the most fabulous sporty-chic career ever.

August 17, 2010 round two

Imogen: I know Mummy, how about we have some water tea to help us relax?

Me:  Sounds delicious.

Imogen:  I'll just dip my teapot in the toilet to get us some water.

August 17, 2010

Me: Imogen, what do you want for breakfast?

Imogen:  Carpet bread*.

Me:  Do you want peanut butter and jam on it?

Imogen:  No, I only want peanut butter and jam in it and rolled up.

*Carpet bread is Imogen's term for a wrap.

August 16, 2010

Imogen:  Mummy, I need help opening this bag.

Me:  Sure.  Can you try asking?

Imogen:  Yes.  Mummy, please can you help me open this bag?

Me:  Of course!  Great asking, kiddo!

(I reach for the bag.)

Imogen:  NO!!!  I'm going to do it by myself!!!

August 12, 2010

Imogen:  Mummy, Charlie is lost!

Me:  Who is Charlie, honey?

Imogen (exasperated):  Charlie is my pet fly, Mummy!  She came home from Calgary with me in Nanny's car and now she's lost!

Me:  Do you think maybe she stayed in Nanny's car to keep Nanny company?

Imogen:  No.  I think she stayed in Nanny's car and then Nanny killed her with a fly swatter.

August 11, 2010 round three

Julius, I'm really sorry that I snatched that teddy bear away from you and made you cry.  But I am not so sorry that I'll give you a kiss and a hug because that is not what I want to do.  Now give me that teddy bear nicely.

August 11, 2010 round two

Me:  Imogen, please can you eat up your tomato sauce?

Imogen:  Sorry ma'am, but that isn't going to happen.

August 11, 2010

Imogen was in the hotel pool and was presented with an inflatable palm tree by our friend T.  T helped her configure the palm tree such that Imogen could float and propel herself.

Imogen:  Mummy, Mummy!  Look at me!  I'm swimming all by myself!

Me:  You are!  That's awesome, Immy!

Imogen:  It's a dream come true!

August 9, 2010

Do you think I can have a pet crocodile for my birthday, Mum?

August 6, 2010

In response to my singing and dancing:


Mummy, if you keep singing that song then I will have to tell you to find a new song.  Or just stop.  You're a very bad singer, Mummy.

August 5, 2010

Following her research session at the Autism Research Centre:

Imogen:  Mummy, did you see how good of a guinea pig I was for them?

Me:  Yes, you did so well, kiddo!  I was so proud of you!

Imogen:  Yes, I did Mummy.  And that's because I am the best rodent ever.

August 3, 2010

Imogen:  Mum?

Me:  Yes.

Imogen:  I love you so much that I feel like a little chicken.

August 2, 2010

Imogen kept clearing her throat, over and over today.

Me:  Imogen, do you have a little frog in your throat?

Imogen:  No, but I have a lizard in my mouth.