June 16, 2014

**If you don't like to see/hear a child swear, do not read this post.**

Imogen, looking over my shoulder as I type: Mom, what is a PC?

Me: They're a political party. PC means Progressive Conservative. They are in charge of Alberta right now and have been for a long time.

Imogen: They're the ones who are mean to teachers and want to pollute our environment! They did residential schools too!

Me: Yes. And other things too.

Imogen: I think they should be called the Poo-head Conservatives. Or the Shithead Conservatives. That would be better. Are they so dumb that they don't know what progressive means?

Touche, my little girl!

May 6, 2014

Imogen: Do you like homemade cards, Mom? What about MamaJen,  does she?

Me: Oh yes,  homemade cards are our favourites.

Imogen, face falling: Oh no. I have schoolmade cards for you for Mothers' Day.

April 30, 2014

Imogen: I think I know why the wolf chased the three little pigs.

Me: Oh yeah, why?

Imogen: Think about it, Mommy. Everyone knows wolves like bacon.

April 21, 2014

I took the kids for a walk in the river valley. Imogen pretended to walk the tightrope on the line painted on the paved bicycle path.

Imogen: Remember Mirette on the Highwire?  Was she fictitious or real?

Me: I don't remember, it's been a while since we read that book. I remember that the man who taught her was a real tightrope walker though.

Imogen: The Great Bellini! 

Me: Yes, I think that was his name. We'll look up Mirette when we get home. You have such a good memory, Imogen!

Fast forward to bedtime. I am reading Imogen the 3rd book in the series The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place. We are on Chapter 12.

Me: blah blah blah Cassiopiea said blah blah...

Imogen,  interrupting: Who is Cassiopiea?

Me: One of the three Incorrigible Children, the main characters in the series we have been reading.

Imogen: Oh, I forgot. You may proceed.

What the.?!

April 18, 2014

I came home with a bouquet of flowers for MamaJen than included pussywillows.

Imogen: You even got MamaJen some pussies!

Me: We don't really say that, Imogen.

Imogen: I say it for short for pussywillow. It also means kitty.

Me: Okay. But in North America a lot of people use the words pussy or pussies to mean vagina or vaginas.  It's mostly just in England that people say pussy for kitty.

Imogen: Well then why don't we call the plant a vaginawillow?

Why now, indeed!

April 3, 2014 part deux

This afternoon I took Imogen and Liam, with Julius in tow, on a shopping spree. We had given them passes to a trampoline park (Launchpad Trampoline) which is not honouring the passes (another story for another time and place. ) To make it up to them, I took them shopping for replacement gifts of their choice.

As we walked into the second store, Imogen having already secured a video game she really wanted,
licked me.

Me: Did you just lick me?

Imogen: Yes! Because I am so excited about this shopping spree and so happy!

Me: That's kind of a strange way to show you're happy, honey.

Imogen: It's okay, I'll rub it off.

Um?

April 3, 2014

Imogen and I were reading the third Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place and reached the scene where Lord Ashton describes his grandfather's death by cause of murderous pheasants.

Imogen: What does murderous mean?

Me: It means killing, murdering, someone or something on purpose.

Imogen: Oh. I thought murdering was winking your eye at someone.

(Apparently MamaJen never played the childhood game of Murder from which Imogen was drawing this understanding, so she found it all the funnier.)