Monday, December 24, 2012

December 24, 2012

I was tucking Imogen into bed. I have told Imogen, from the time she was small, that Santa is a super fun Christmas thing to pretend. We've had lots of Santa fun knowing he's imaginary. 

So... tonight, as I was saying, I was tucking her in.

Me: Good night, honey! Sweet dreams! Try to fall asleep fast because MamaJen and I need time to fill your stocking!

Imogen: Listen, Mom. I think you should consider keeping your opinion to yourself because I have decided that I believe in Santa.

Whaddaya say to that?!??!!!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

December 22, 2012

Imogen, Julius,  and I went to the Telus World of Science this morning.  It's a noisy place that Julius enjoys but which tends to overstimulate him. So our deal was that if he got stressed we would leave. We lasted 2 hours: an amazing feat for Julius. As we were walking out, Imogen stopped in her tracks.

Imogen: Mom, can I pay Julius a compliment?

Me: Yes, of course.

Imogen, crouching down in front of Julius so he could see her: Julius I am so proud of you that you made good choices and didn't scream or have any tantrums.

Then she turned to me.

Imogen: MamaJen and I think it's important to let him know when he's done a good job.

Really, I do point out what he does well too!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

December 20, 2012

Imogen: I'm using this toothpaste I don't like because it's important to keep trying things we don't like.

Me: Good for you.

Imogen: Yes, and I can't just have Colgate; I have to earn Colgate.

Yup. Straight from her mouth. ;)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

December 19, 2012

Me: Imogen, can you tell me about two things you did at school today?

Imogen: In Language Arts we started a unit about the 12 Days of Christmas. I know it's only pretend, like Santa.

Me: How is it pretend?

Imogen: December 25 is only one day. 12 is just silly.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

December 8, 2012

Imogen's Christmas wish list:

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

December 4, 2012

Imogen: I like to call Forrest [the cat] "princess" because she is the colour of tuna.


December 4, 2012, part deux

Imogen: There was a small spider in my room and I wasn't afraid of it so I didn't want to kill it so I just slapped it really hard.

For real, I don't and would never slap her! Eek!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

November 25, 2012, part deux

Imogen: Awesome!  So cool!  This is the BEST!!!

Me : What are you doing, Imogen?

Imogen: Looking at the Weather Network.

November 25, 2012

Me, on couch, cuddling with Julius: Imogen,  do you want to cuddle too?

Imogen: Yes!

And then she leapt onto Liam and nuzzled in....

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

November 20, 2012

Imogen: Mom, can you put my Winter Sunrise With A Ribbon on The Weather Network.

Friday, November 16, 2012

November 16, 2012

I picked Imogen and Julius up from daycare this evening. Up here in the frigid north, it's dark before 5pm, so it was fully night when we got to the car at 530.
I looked into the rearview mirror a few minutes into our drive and noticed that Julius was no longer wearing his hat.

Me: Jude-dude, where's your hat?

Julius: [silence-he's non-verbal]

Me: Imogen, can you see Jude's hat anywhere?

Imogen: Mom, my eyes are not flashlights!

Point taken.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

November 15, 2012

Imogen: Did you know that some buildings have icicles that form on them?

Me: Yes, that's interesting, isn't it? (I am anticipating that Imogen will talk about deficits of insulation at this point, because she is fascinated with causal links.)

Imogen: Yes, and if an icicle falls down when you are walking past it could land on your head and pierce your brain and that would cause a lot of bleeding and a very big mess.

Me: Yes, I suppose it could.

Imogen: So I think everyone who has an icicle on their building should put a pylon directly under the icicle so people will know not to walk there and then no one will get hurt.

Your safety lesson for the day, folks!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

November 11, 2012

Today Imogen and her friend Olivia emerged from the basement. Olivia, I noticed, had colored her finger red. Her mother took her to clean it up. Imogen skulked around with an air of guilt about her.

Me: Imogen, did you colour on something you shouldn't have?

Imogen: Well, no. But I asked Olivia if she would like to colour on my butt and she said 'yes' so she did and then I tried to lick it off but it didn't work.

Seriously, you CANNOT make this stuff up!!!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

November 8, 2012

Me, holding the kitten and being silly: My name is Kisses and I'm a rotten little cat. I wake people up; I jump on their heads. And I expect cuddles in return for my bad behaviour.

Imogen: Actually Kisses, you don't need to worry. A little girl and a little boy asked their moms to have you in this family and we love you. We love you because you have short hair and that was necessary. Also, we paid a lot of money to fix your penis, so we're keeping you.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

October 31, 2012

Imogen and MamaJen went trick-or-treating tonight, together, after a short session with Julius (who, by the way LOVED it and even tried to say the words ka-ah-ke (trick or treat.))

Imogen noticed MamaJen complimenting people on their Hallowe'en decorations, so she quickly joined in, finding something nice to say about everyone's pumpkins or ghosts or lights.

They approached a house that was entirely undecorated. Imogen did not lose her kindly, supportive spirit.

Imogen, to the person who opened the door: I really like your doorknob.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

October 25, 2012

Imogen: Mum, we read Calling Dr. Amelia Bedelia today and it was so funny!

Me: Oh yeah? What was funny?

Imogen: Well, a man called Amelia Bedelia and said his nose was hurting on the bridge so she said, "then get off the bridge!"

Me: Yup, that's pretty funny.

Imogen: Yeah, because Amelia Bedelia just never understands anything and she thought the man was standing on a bridge like a bridge on a road but really he meant he was standing on a bridge like the dentist put in my mouth.

Me: Um, actually...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

October 17, 2012

Imogen: Mommy, I filled a whole bag with leaves. I need another one.

Me: That's awesome! Thanks for being such a great helper!

Imogen: Actually, it's my dessert, Mommy. And it's the best dessert ever. Dessert doesn't have to be about what you eat. It can be about doing the job you really always wanted to do.

Imogen prances away, outside, with her additional bag.

Grayson: Sometimes I wish I had autism.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

October 13, 2012

Lovely Molly, girlfriend of Grayson, arrived at our house with a dress she had sewn for Imogen.

MamaJen: Imogen, look! It's gray and yellow, your favourite, favourite, favourite colours!

Imogen, angry: NO!!! They're just my favourite, favourite colours!

Saturday, October 6, 2012

October 6, 2012

This evening, our friend L came over to visit. She and her partner, L, have just returned from a trip to Paris. They brought Imogen a pink beret and an Eiffel Tower spinning top as birthday gifts. Imogen was delighted with both items.

At bedtime, when I was tucking her in, we had this conversation:

Imogen: Well Mommy, now I have no choice.

Me: No choice about what?

Imogen: I have to be an artist.

Me: Why's that?

Imogen: I have the hat. It makes me a real artist. I have no choice.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

October 4, 2012

Imogen: When I grow up, I'm gonna have a baby with Julius. He will be a young dad because he's younger than me. Then we'll get divorced and I'll marry Sadie.

Monday, September 24, 2012

September 24, 2012 part deux

Imogen: Mom, can I take some water, please? Sometimes writers get very thirsty with all their hard work.

September 24, 2012

Imogen, to MamaJen at dinner: Can I have some more kale?

(For real.)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

September 11, 2012

Imogen came barreling up the stairs, did a flying leap onto the couch, and buried her face in MamaJen's cleavage.

MamaJen and Me, simultaneously: Imogen, what are you doing, that's not okay!!!

Imogen: Whaaaaat??? I just want to give you a hug!

To be clear, folks, that's not how hugging happens in our house.

Monday, September 10, 2012

September 10, 2012

Imogen:  One night, I was just so thirsty that I had to put my foot on my blanket.  Because, well, my throat was so dry.  My foot needed to be on that blanket.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

August 15, 2012

Imogen: Mommy, next year instead of dancing, can you sign me up for the Olympics?

Me: um, which event do you want to learn?

Imogen: Not learn! Do! I already practiced running and I will also do diving and gymnastics and the one where I do ten events all at once and ride bikes and throw things.

Me: I'll see what I can do.

Imogen: I'm gonna win a lot of gold medals.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

July 25, 2012

Imogen:  Mom, we're kind of the same because we're both wearing dresses!


Imogen:  Except mine is pretty.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

June 19, 2012

Imogen and I were going through her basket of Too Big shoes to see if she'd grown into any.  This process delighted her greatly, eliciting leaps and twirls and squeals of pure joy.

On the fourth pair of shoes, a pair handed down from a friend, already well-loved, Imogen slipped them on and a broad grin spread across her face.  She stared straight into my eyes.

Imogen:  Mama, these are my cha-cha hip hop shoes and they will make me dance so much better!

And then she cha-cha-hip-hopped her morning away!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

June 6, 2012

Imogen: I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Me: Oh yeah? What do you want to be, hon?

Imogen: A person who throws out candy in a parade.

Aim high...

Saturday, June 2, 2012

June 2, 2012

I entered the dining room to find Imogen, alone, laughing hysterically.

Me: What's so funny, Imo?

Imogen: I just thought what if Manitoba was called Minitoba?

Me: Um?

Imogen: That would be so funny!

And then she collapsed in a pile of giggles.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

May 29, 2012

Imogen: This book called Lucy a beagle but actually, they're wrong.

Me: Why are the wrong?

Imogen: Because she's a PUPPY.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

May 24, 2012

Me: Jen! Get away from the sink! I am doing the dishes!

Jen: No way, man.

Me: Listen you. I'm not letting you do the dishes again. Stop being a jerk and let me in there. Now! Move it!

Imogen: Kim! Be nice to my stepmom!

Monday, May 21, 2012

May 21, 2012

Imogen: When I die, can you bury me with my favourite things? I will miss you very much.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

May 15, 2012

Imogen: Guess what?  I just saw a bug that looks like a bee.  It was like the bug in my bedroom.  But guess what?  I didn't freak out!  Not even a little bit.  Everything is okay, Mum.  Don't worry.

Monday, May 14, 2012

May 14, 2012

We had dinner, by Imogen's request, at The Dish And The Runaway Spoon. She eagerly placed her order.

Server: So, how's your mac n' cheese, hon?

Imogen: Actually, it's kind of gross.

The server scored huge points for immediately assessing and understanding the situation. She offered Imogen a grilled cheese sandwich.

And then...

Server: We've got three Aspies in my family. I totally get it. :)

Sunday, May 13, 2012

May 12, 2012

Imogen: It's Mother's Day! Let me give you a hug and a kiss!

Me: Okay, thank you!

Imogen: See, you got what you wanted. It's a dream come true for you, Mummy!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

May 2, 2012

Me: Nanny called to say she's stopping by to bring you some very exciting bread.

Imogen: But... that's not even... a thing!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

April 29, 2012

Imogen: Do you suppose this author used an acrylic or a watercolour medium? It looks a bit like watercolour but I think it's been enhanced.

(#Things I don't expect to hear when she offers to read to me.)

Monday, April 23, 2012

April 23, 2012

Bedtime.  I am tucking Imogen in to bed.  We've had a story (Skippyjon Jones, for the millionth time) and a kiss.

Imogen:  Mom, I don't want you to feel nervous.

Me:  Why's that, Imo?

Imogen:  Well, Scooby-Doo is not real; it's just fiction.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

April 14, 2012

Imogen:  There's no one to say goodnight to.

Me:  Grayson and MamaJen will be home after you're asleep, don't worry.  You'll see them tomorrow.

Imogen:  I want to say good night though.  Can I call MamaJen?

Me:  Yes.

Imogen listens to MamaJen's voicemail greeting (Hi, you've reached the phone of Jen A******, leave me message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.  Thanks and have a great day!)

Imogen, beginning her message:  Actually, you meant 'have a great evening.'

Friday, April 13, 2012

April 13, 2012

Imogen, Julius, and I attended the Hidden Truths opening at Latitude 53 tonight. It's an exhibit of art produced by federally incarcerated women. Upon arrival:

Imogen: I am inspired to do math!

She whipped out her math work book and settled into a corner.

Sometime later, I found her drawing..

Imogen: There is beautiful art here, Mummy, but mine is the most beautiful. It's a monkey pig who ate a queen and then wore her crown. I think it should hang in this gallery.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

April 12, 2012

We arrived home. Imogen bounded into the front yard while I unstrapped Julius from his carseat.

Imogen, screaming from the front stoop: Oh my god, Mommy! Be careful!!!

Me: What? What? What's wrong!?!??

Imogen, in panicked voice: There's a dead fly on the sidewalk!!!

Monday, April 9, 2012

April 9, 2012

Imogen checked her backpack to ensure that everything she needed for school was there.  She found her journal and verified that Liam had responded to her most recent entry which had been addressed to him.  Both Imogen and Liam discussed gold in their writing.

MamaJen:  Imogen, do you know why gold is hard?

Imogen:  Yes, because when it falls on your head it's not really very soft.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

April 7, 2012

On the airplane, returning from Florida, Imogen is having a snack of cold French fries.

Imogen, nose curled up in distaste: Mommy, I know how you knew I was a girl when I was born. It's because I have a vagina. And I was not wearing my panties.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

April 5, 2012

Me: okay Imogen, time for bed! Have you peed recently?

Imogen: mommy! I already peed later ago!!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

April 4, 2012

Imogen's cousin was crying and fussing about an argument he had had with his sister.

Imogen approached him, arms outstretched.  She gave him a big hug and a huge kiss.

Her cousin didn't stop fussing.

Imogen:  WHAT???  A beautiful girl just kissed you!  You should be happy now!

Friday, March 30, 2012

March 30, 2012

It's 7am. I'm drinking coffee. Imogen is eating her breakfast and reading a picture book about meerkats.

Imogen: Do you know what Mummy? On St. Patrick's Day we want to have happy eyebrows that go up, not grumpy eyebrows that go down.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

March 24, 2012

MamaJen and I were being silly in the kitchen while cooking, laughing over funny things that had transpired earlier in the day.  
Imogen joined us in the kitchen with a bit of a scowl on her face.

Imogen:  What's for dinner?

MamaJen: We got a pepperoni pizza for you.

Me:  But we'll put other things on it too.

Imogen:  What?!  Why???  (Imogen likes pepperoni alone, nothing else ever, period.)

Me:  Yes, we'll put on some spinach...

Imogen:  Hey!

Me, still silly:  And some dog poop... and we'll even fart on it!

(Imogen is really into potty humour right now... it's not my usual style, I was going for a laugh...)

Imogen:  Hey!  You're kidding!  You wouldn't really put spinach on my pizza!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

March 18, 2012

Imogen is singing.

Grandad:  That's a beautiful song, Imogen.

Imogen:  Of course it is.  We had to sing it to the seniors at their centre.  We couldn't just stand there and stare at them because that would scare them.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

March 17, 2012

Whilst eating cake and discussing our days, Imogen, apropos of nothing, announced the following:

Potato juice is what drips out of potatoes and it isn't good for us.  It's really yucky.  Only carrot juice is good for us.

There you have it.  Nutrition lesson 101, straight from the source.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

March 1, 2012

Imogen and MamaJen were sitting together while Imogen did her "home reading" (nightly reading practice from basal-style readers.)  Imogen was reading aloud her story which that evening featured unicorns.

And then, apropos of nothing:

Imogen:  Well MamaJen, swans can't talk like unicorns can.

She's always integrating information, this girl :)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

February 29, 2012

Imogen and Nanny went to see Cats on Sunday afternoon (comp tix are a super perk of MamaJen's job!.)  Before the lights in the theatre dimmed, Nanny reminded Imogen that she should be quiet, no talking, while the performance was on.  They could talk about everything after.

The lights dimmed.

Imogen remained quiet.

Things got noisy and scary on stage.  Imogen reached for Nanny's hand and squeezed it tight.

Nanny, in a whisper: Immy, are you okay?

Imogen: SHHHHHH!!!!

And after the show was over?

Imogen:  Nanny, you have to be quiet in the theatre:  no talking allowed.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

February 22, 2012

Imogen: Mummy, are those ribs?!?!!

Me: Yes, do you want some?

Imogen, looking at her dessert: Umm, yeah, but I ate my dinner...

Me: Do you want some in your lunch?

Imogen: Yes!! Then I can be really angry or sad.

Me: Why?

Imogen: Because ribs are magic! They make all the bad stuff go away!

Monday, February 13, 2012

February 13, 2012

It is 6am.  I am in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher, preparing breakfast for Imogen and her brother, making a packed lunch for myself, assembling the various piles of morning pills ingested around here for various conditions, and nibbling at my scone between jobs.

Imogen:  Oh Mummy, I see what you're doing.

Me:  Oh yeah, what's that?

Imogen:  You're being Cinderella.

Me:  Hmm, yeah, a little bit I guess.

Imogen:  Don't worry Mum, the mice will show up soon to help you.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

February 11, 2012

And again at breakfast, apropos of nothing, an announcement from Imogen:

When I grow up, I'm not going to get married because that means you have to live with them forever and clean up their barf.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

February 9, 2012

Imogen and I were sitting at the table, eating our breakfast.  In her casual, conversation starter voice, Imogen said:

Mummy, isn't it great that our noses are stuck to our faces?