December 31, 2013

Imogen: Can we go to the bank today to turn my American money into Canadian money?

Me: Maybe. We'll see. We have lots to do.

Imogen, with a look of deep concentration: How do they change the money into Canadian?

Me: Well they don't actually change it; they trade us. We give them American money and they trade it for Canadian money.

Imogen, with a look of sudden understanding: Oh! So it's not magic like with a wand because that would not make any sense.

(And that's a reminder to me to be as literal as possible with her! Also, a great glimpse at how her brain attempts to make sense of the seemingly impossible.)

December 30, part deux

Imogen: I was thinking about wearing a fancy dress for New Year's Eve.

Me: Nice. Which one?

Imogen: Well, actually, I think it might be in the dishwasher.

December 30, 2013

Imogen: When you're 100 do you die?

Me: Most people die before they're 100.

Imogen: I don't want to die.

Me: You probably won't die for a very long time.

Imogen: Well, when I die I want to become a vampire.

Me: Oh really?

Imogen: Yes. Because then I will be dead-alive for infinity forever.

Me: What about the part where you have to drink people's blood?

Imogen: Mommy! Why do you have to ruin everything?

December 29, 2013

Imogen: Since we've been reading Charlotte's Web, I've realized something.

Me: What's that?

Imogen: I realized that we need a pet pig.

December 19, 2013

MamaJen: Imogen, I'm getting tired of all the whining.  It needs to stop.

Imogen: Well MamaJen, then I think you picked the wrong family!

December 5, 2013

Imogen: Mom, I'm done peeing and brushing my teeth.

Me (joking): But not at the same time, ha ha!

Imogen: Um, why not at the same time? I just held my toothbrush in my mouth when I wiped.

Me <facepalm>

November 8, part deux

Imogen: That's so gay.

Me: Imogen, where did you learn that? Do you know that saying something you don't like is gay can hurt people's feelings?

Imogen: What people?

Me: Gay people.

Imogen: Oh, like Laurie.

Me: Yes. And probably all the other gay people you know.

Imogen: I don't know any other gay people.

Clearly a massive parenting fail! 

November 8, 2013

Imogen: I can't wait to start reading the next Incorrigible Children book. It's the last one and then we'll be finished!

Me: Actually,  the author is still writing more Incorrigible Children books, so we may have more to read yet.

Imogen: What?!? The author is alive???

Me: Yup.

Imogen: I didn't know authors could be alive! I thought they were all dead.

November 2, 2013

Imogen: MamaJen,  you can have anything you want from my Hallowe'en candy. Anything except one chocolate bar that has a black kitty on it.

MamaJen: Oh yes, that must be special.

Imogen: Yes it is. I have always wanted it.  Everything else is on limits.

Guess that's the opposite of off limits?

October 30, 2013

Imogen: I'm feeling sad.

Me: Why, honey?

Imogen: Because yesterday was National Cat Day and now it's going to be almost a whole year til it's National Cat Day again.

October 27, 2013

Walking along, Imogen stopped and picked up a rock.

Imogen: Yes! Now Hallowe'en is complete!

Me: Um, why is that?

Imogen, in a voice of utter disbelief: Because I have a rock I can paint like a pumpkin!

October 14, 2013

Imogen:  I do not have boobs, Mom; you have boobs. I have breasts.

A propos of nothing, this.

October 13, 2013

Imogen was watching the cats fight, paws flying.

Imogen: Mom, it looks like they're stimming!

October 10, 2013

Imogen: You and MamaJen are my favourite moms ever.

*pause*

Imogen: But don't get too excited because you're also my only moms.

September 27, 2013

Imogen held up her foot and looked concertedly at the bottom.

MamaJen: What's wrong Immy, did you step in something?

Imogen: No, I just like to look at my feet.

MamaJen: Of course you do.

Imogen: Yes, because they're so pretty.

September 26, 2013

Imogen: Mom, I think you're going to vote Don Iveson for Mayor.

Me: Oh yeah, why do you think that?

Imogen: Because you have a "vote Don Iveson for Mayor" sign in front of our house.

Me: I do. Good noticing.

Imogen: What does vote mean?

Me: (long explanation of the municipal electoral process you don't want to hear.)

Imogen: Oh.

pause

Imogen: What's a Don Iveson?

September 19, 2013

Today we visited the art gallery. There was an exhibit of 19th century photographs.  Imogen was particularly intrigued by a Daguerrotype of a leaf.

Imogen: Mom! Look! This one is really old, like 1992 or something!

September 8, 2013

Imogen: Mommy, it's a good thing I didn't get  a baby in The Game of Life because then I might be a grandparent and my skin would go all funny and weird like Nanny's and my dad's and the people at the senior's centre.

September 1, 2013

Imogen: look! I'm reading a book!

Me: That's great,  are you reading all the words?

Imogen: Why do you always want me to read ALL the words???

July 20, 2013

Imogen: Liam, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Liam: I don't know.

Imogen:  You don't know???

Liam:  I want to be a unicorn.

Imogen:  You can't be a unicorn!

Liam: Why not?

Imogen:  Because unicorns aren't real.

Liam:  They'll be real when I become one.

Imogen:  Liam.  It's not like a Fairy Godmother is going to come along and turn you into a unicorn.

Liam:  Why not?

Imogen, exasperated:  Because Fairy Godmothers aren't real!  Unicorns aren't real!

(pause)

Imogen:  Well, except for water unicorns.  They're real.

June 25, 2013

1:30pm

Imogen: Mom, I need a snack because I have hardly had anything to eat since breakfast or lunch.

June 14, 2013

Imogen: Mom, can I come in the bathroom with you? I have to pee.

Me: I'm peeing right now. Can you use the bathroom downstairs or wait a minute?

Imogen, entering bathroom: No! I have to go now!

Me: Honey,  we can't go at the same time.

Imogen: You're almost done.

Me: Okay. Just go, we'll flush after.

Imogen, peeing and looking in the toilet: Mom! Our pees are having love!

No response from me. What do you say really, to that?!

June 10, 2013

Imogen: Maybe one night instead of playing games we could all make bar graphs. That would be fun, wouldn't it?!

Me: Sure would!

Imogen: I just love bar graphs.

June 9, 2013

Imogen: Do you know that I like The Very Hungry Caterpillar because I'm usually very hungry and also I like caterpillars?

Can't really think of a better reason!

June 7, 2013

Imogen: I have great news! I don't want to be a princess any more when I grow up.

Me, relieved: That IS great news.

Imogen: I want to be an ice cream scientist because then I get to taste all the flavours!

Can't argue that logic. Ice cream scientist it is!

May 27, 2013

Imogen: I think my teacher needs better challenge words on spelling tests.

Me: Why's that?

Imogen: Because her challenge words aren't challenging.  She asks us to spell snail or spider. Those are easy. A challenging word would be something like stupendous or idiosyncratic.

Me:  Yup, sounds about right to me.

May 25, 2013

Imogen: I know why we call MamaJen 'Jen' for her nickname.

Me: Oh yeah, why is that?

Imogen: Because she likes donuts so much.

May 16, 2013

Imogen: I might be a flower girl again one day.

Me: Oh yeah?

Imogen: Yes. Auntie Jenny gets married a lot and I think Courtney can't be her flower girl again because she's very old, like 19, so it will have to be me. I wonder if Brad will be sad? Oh well; being a flower girl is important so he'll understand. Maybe he can be my assistant.

Me:  Hmmm. I guess we'll have to see.

May 13, 2013

Imogen: When I feel so sick, all I have energy for is watching movies and writing poetry.

May 12, 2013

Imogen: It's actually a very special day for me because I'm Kisses' (the cat's) mother. Kisses is working hard to make today special for me.

May 2, 2013

Imogen: Did you know that I'm Italian?

Me: Oh, is that because MamaJen is part Italian?

Imogen: MamaJen is part Italian?!?  No, I am Italian because I can say presto and crescendo and adagio in Irish.

Me: In Irish?

Imogen: Yes! So I'm Italian.

April 29, 2013

Imogen and Molly, Grayson's girlfriend, went to the Royal Alberta Museum yesterday.  While strolling around, Imogen stopped to look at a particular exhibit.

Imogen:  I really enjoy the way the artist did this piece.

April 27, 2013

Imogen had her hair cut today. We were walking home when we had this conversation.

Imogen: I'm a little worried MamaJen won't recognize me.

Me: Why?

Imogen: Well, now I look like a rock star.

Me: ah.

Imogen: If I was wearing my running shorts I'd look like a pop star.

April 14, 2013

Imogen wrote the story of how we got our cat, Kisses.

April 12, 2013

Imogen: Mom, can I play chess by myself?

Me: Sure, go ahead.

15 minutes pass.

Imogen: Yes!!! I won!

March 31, 2013

Playing The Game of Things with Imogen.

March 30, 2013

Me: Hey! Do you want to watch Saturday morning cartoons?

Imogen: Yes!!!! Can we watch the IMAX Deep Sea Adventure documentary?!

March 29, 2013

Imogen: Mom, do you know what Easter Saturday is actually called?

Me: No, what?

Imogen: Passover.

March 6, 2013

Imogen: When I grow up, I might marry another girl and have babies.

Me: Oh yeah?

Imogen: But I think she should HAVE the babies and I'll be a mommy. You know, like I'll be Not Daena.

March 4, 2013

Imogen lost a tooth at school today. It broke in two during the transport home.

Imogen: I have to put my tooth, my tooths, under the pillow for the tooth fairy.

MamaJen: Can we just skip that and give you the money now?

Imogen: Sure! I can get money from you and from the tooth fairy!!! Hmm, maybe you can give me money for one half and she can give me money for the other half.

March 1, 2013

Imogen was doing her homework. She had an assortment of letters and needed to arrange them into words.

Imogen: Mom, is G-A-N a word?

Me: No.  But what if you added that "I"?

Imogen: Then I could make gain!

Me: Do you know what that means?

Imogen: Yes, it means, like, look at my mother gain weight. My teacher told me that.

Thanks a lot, mass, public education. Grrrr.

February 17, 2013

Imogen: Can we plant popcorn in our backyard?

Me: No, it wouldn't work.

Imogen: You mean we can't plant these (holds up popcorn kernel) in our backyard???

Me: I'm afraid not.

Imogen: But they're popcorn SEEDS!

February 16, 2013 part deux

Imogen: Can we google 'paradise' and find out where it is? I heard it's really nice there and maybe we could go there for a vacation.

February 16, 2013

Imogen: I saw a really, really scary show at my dad's house.

Me: Uh oh. Are you okay?

Imogen: It was so scary that I had terrible nightmares.

Me: What show was it? Maybe you shouldn't watch it again?

Imogen: Care Bears.

January 30, 2013

Imogen: My favourite words are 'because' and 'subtract' because they have 7 letters in them and I'm 7 years old.

No one tell her about 'subtract,' please. ..

January 13, 2013

On the phone with Imogen, who is in Florida...

Me: Are you writing in your journal,  honey?

Imogen: No Mummy, I'm talking to you. I can't do two things at the same time.

January 7, 2013

Imogen: Mummy, can you move my flower? At night the shadow of it looks like a vampire holding a wombat.

Ahhh, that archetypal fear...